Today has been kind of a weird day. I was super productive, a model worker-bee. mentally, however, I was not doing so well. Have you ever really wanted something but been afraid of it? I was given, for christmas last year, the promise of a very generous amount of financial assistance with the stipulation that I use it to travel. I want so much to travel but for some reason, now that I have the opportunity, I am balking. For some ludicrous reason I am afraid of actually doing it. I fear I have given the people that gave me this gift the impression that I am ungrateful.

I'm not sure what I am afraid of. Sure there are a lot of things that could go wrong. Sure, I will end up going places where I will not be able to communicate, These, however, are known risks... the price of doing business. I have the nasty suspicion that I am just afraid of doing something outside of my normal routine. Funny and sad... I spend a lot of time railing against that sort of thing.

I suspect that everyone has some kind of fear that they contend with in their day to day lives. What I want to know is what do they (you) tell themselves? I think this is an extension of my incredibly hyper-active fear of failure. How can you fail at traveling? Sheesh.

I shouldn't put this sort of thing up on the web. It's starting to sound like an invitation to a pity party. Bleh. I will lay off.