| Today I have been a little bit depressed. It's just one of those fleeting things but it is irritating. Yesterday I turned 25 (Happy birthday me!) and in some incredibly cliche and cheesy way it is making me introspective. To be completely fair, I'm introspective quite often... this is different. I find that I'm asking myself all those whiny little "what am I doing", "where am I going" questions. I feel like a bad television drama from the late 80s. The reality of the situation is that there is NO external pressure for me to be "going" anywhere. I don't care about keeping up with the Jones nor have I ever. I don't need a "better" job... I only support myself and I think I'm accomplishing that rather handily. The fact of the matter is that changing jobs wouldn't be meaningful to my emotional state anyway. I don't need a more powerful car... I get more than enough tickets as it is and I am quite happy with my penis. So what is it? What is the problem? I hate to dissapoint you, but I don't know. Betcha didn't see that coming a mile away. If I had to try and pin it on some handy external factor I'd point a finger at mass media and advertisers but that's a recurring theme for me lately. There's only so much be successful, drive "hot" cars, have a beautiful wife hype that I can soak up before some little part of my brain buys in. That's how the system works... I was gifted with enough intelligence to realize that. Getting out of the trap? Well, that's another matter. I guess in some little way I feel the slightest sting of disappointment when I fail to reach the next rung on the Media "success" ladder. Am I a victim? Hardly. Well... I guess I am... but only as much as the next guy. Here's the thing: it all comes down to me. I chose to participate... or not. At this point some of you are wondering why I bother putting this up. You don't care about my life, or at least this aspect of it. Ok. Here's the thing. You came here of your own free will, I didn't drag your little webby self in and force you to listen to me rant. I put this up because I want to know what others think about the stuff I think about AND maybe, just maybe, I've thought of something that can help you. Oh yeah... it's also cathartic. Don't like it? Go away. Ugh... can't believe I just typed that. Oh well... I'll subscribe to the non-editing tradition. CONSUME OBEY In other news, my personal life is weird lately. I'll spare you the details I just want that statement down for the record. I don't say this enough but I love you guys. Be safe. "How many cans must I stack up... to wash you out of my head, out of my conciousness?" As always, if this sparks you or you want to share something with me, please do so. |