I had a couple of things I wanted to talk about but I'm waffling. I suppose I'll go ahead and do so, though. If I don't I won't have anything to say :)

Dissatisfaction. Sigh. I spent a lot of time thinking about this last night. Why is it, when things are going so well for me, that I am dissatisfied? The more I think about it the more I wonder if I'm not just running afoul of some kind of deeply conditioned behavior. Let me turn it on it's head for a second: Things are going great for me and have been for a long time. I have a wonderful girlfriend, a comfortable place to live, two cars, a job that I actually usually like, etc. What the hell do I have to bitch about? Ooh! Ooh! I can answer this one: nothing. So... umm... why do I not feel satisfied? First person that says I'm a virgo gets a noogie.

I'm beginning to suspect that it's just a fundamental part of my nature. It would be, I think, a hell of a lot easier if I would just mellow out and be happy. If there is something I want to do with my life I'll just do it and stop spending so much time worrying about it. We shall see. I suppose that I should apologize for spending so much time rambling about this sort of thing only to come to such a... erm... simple conclusion. My apologies. I really do feel better about it, though.

I spent a little time discussing this topic with Trent last night and he said an interesting thing: we (he and I both) have this tendency to say no more often than yes... at least in our personal lives. I think I'm going to try and wield the attitude I've mentioned above in this context as well.

All of this is not to say that I necessarily think that things are all right with the world or vice versa. I think I just need to spend a little more time worrying about the things external to my own headspace.

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Summer is a good time to start simplifying, I think. I guess it's the personal equivalent of spring cleaning. I'm unraveling my debts, reducing my posessions, and generally trying to clear the air. It's nice. I recommend it highly.

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A fambly tidbit: I went to family dinner at my mother's house friday night. It was kind of a special occasion because my grandfather and my cousins Mickey and Steve were present. Mickey and Steve live outside of Los Alamos so I don't get to see them all that often. Over the course of the meal there were several interesting conversational threads. My family likes to discuss... a lot. I happened to mention some of my views on capitalism and my cousin Steve said a very interesting thing. He contends (as have I) that in nature and in physics in particular (he's a physicist) there are balances of forces. His position is that capitalism is the first socio-economic idea (pardon) that manifests this balance of forces. I had certainly never thought about it this way. Great stuff.

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Have you all been getting some sun? I hope so. It's good for you. Screw melanoma-paranoia, go outside. We're all going to die sooner or later... you might as well enjoy the good things in life in the meantime. The sun is not your enemy.

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Goals (right now):

• Get a degree... in something
• Go to Japan
• Visit Dave
• Visit Chris
• Write more
• Buy a house someplace
• Spend more time with my friends
• See as much of the world as I can
• See Orbital in concert again

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I did a search for the word "beauty" on ditto.com and then flipped a coin for an image to post here: